Why do people have to be so hurtful?

It is not like me to be very open about my thoughts, about my feelings.  However this last week I have been following a story about our adoption agency and I cannot get over how cruel people are.  So I am opening up to the few of you who check in on us here. 

I am aggravated, I am hurt, I am astonished by the things people are saying.  What hurts the most is to think that if my daughter were older she could be reading these things and hearing these things too.  I have always known people could be very hurtful, but lately I am just so astonished at the things I am reading.  While they may not be directed at me or my family they are implying that their statements are true for all families built by adoption.

On Friday night dateline aired a story about a Virginia father who says he wanted his daughter even when his ex girlfriend did not.  I can say by having been through the entire adoption process that some of the things he states in his interview are completely false.  Utah law proved he did not file in the time frame allowed and the baby's parents were given permission to continue with the adoption.  He is now trying to sue the agency, which happens to be our agency, the parents and the parent's attorney for $10 million.  There are several things that Dateline did not mention and several things that people who have not been through this will never understand.  Each day now I read horrible things that people are posting on our agency's website and it makes me so sad.

While I agree that the 20 days putative fathers are given in Utah seems very short, especially compared to the six months that Wyoming gives.  I do not agree with several of the accusations people are making about the agency.  A Act of Love helped Wes and I to build our family.  They helped Kassi's birth mother.   They made sure both of us had legal counsel and understood the laws of adoption.  I can only say great things about this agency.

This week I have read comments from people saying that adopting is not natural and God did not mean for children to be adopted, comments about how people who used this agency "bought" themselves a baby, comments about how those who adopt a child without knowing the birth father has been contacted and agreed to the adoption are kidnapping, comments of how an adoptive parent is not a parent.  All of these things I have read make me cry. 

MY baby girl will always be MY baby girl.  She is showered with love and affection everyday and will always know how much she is loved.  She will always know she is MY baby girl.  I AM HER MOM.  We did not kidnap her, we did not buy her, we did not go against God...God brought us together.   We paid fees yes, we paid for counseling for Kassi's birth mother, we paid for all of her doctors appointments, we paid for her expenses when she was pregnant and I assure you had we chosen a surrogate we would have paid the exact same things.  We also paid to have the counselors by her side for the first few nights after Kassi was born.  We paid all of the necessary legal fees and yes it can be expensive, but then I ask how much did some pay for their pregnancies and deliveries? 

I have the utmost respect and appreciation for Kassi's birth mother.  She will always hold a special place in my heart.  Not only did she give me the greatest gift ever she gave Kassi the gift of life.  Kassi knows about her birth mother and her questions are always answered truthfully.  I will still say though that I am Kassi's Mom.  I know what it is like to have a mother and not a mom.  Being biologically related to someone in no way makes a person a mom or dad, a mother or father, yes, but not a mom or dad.

I fear that the day will come when Kassi will be subject to people's cruelty.  I pray that she always knows and remembers how much she is loved.  I know I cannot protect her from people forever, but I hope that I can at least help her to have the confidence to not be bothered by people's hurtful comments.      

There's no turning back now!

I finally gave in to the pleading by other members of the family to just get a puppy instead of an adult dog.  With this decision we showed Kassi a few puppies that were for sale right now and  let her have her pick.  She said she really wanted her own bird dog so she could hunt with daddy.  It just happened that one of the litters we knew about were Brittany's. 

 

We took Kassi up this morning to see if she really wanted one of these puppies and she instantly fell in love with one of them.  Being her first day home I think it is a little too early to judge her true personality, however she is very sweet and kind of lazy.  I have to laugh at her...Nina was a ball of fire from the very first night and Minnie is very laid back.  Two complete opposites, but Nina absolutely loves having a new play toy!

Here is the sweet little Minnie Mouse (of course Kassi got to name her).

Second Attempt

Today we went to Billings to meet with three dogs from HeRD of Wyoming, a rescue out of Sheridan.  Things went well we met two older puppies and one older dog.  We had a really good connection with and feeling about the older dog.  This is the Daisy dog I talked about in our last blog. (I did however question that maybe we shouldn't be bringing any of the dogs home.) She is very sweet and Kassi can love on her without her getting upset or trying to get away from her.  We brought Daisy home this afternoon.

Tonight here I am up at 12:39 because I cannot sleep.  I cannot stop replaying everything that occurred once we got home.  Nina and Daisy did fine together in the dog park, here they were horrible together until we got them each in their "own" bedrooms for the night.  Kassi said we picked the wrong dog.  Wes was on edge after the dogs fighting over everything.  Daisy kept trying to run out the door and jump through the windows.  The tension is so bad in this house right now.  I am sick to my stomach to think that I made the decision to bring this dog home and now everything seems to be falling apart...AGAIN.  Maybe I am expecting too much, maybe I need to give it some time.  I just don't know what to do.  I emailed the lady we met with today and told her that I may have made the wrong decision and I would talk to her in the morning.  I hope I know what to do by morning.  Right now I am just sick.

So morning came and Daisy, who I was told did not jump fences, jumped the fence and took off.  I was out with the dogs, came in for a second, turned around to go back out, heard Nina barking and saw a black fuzzball running as fast as she could down the alley.  I went out and tried calling her back, she turned around came towards me and just kept on running, right by me.  After a little work with her and the electronic fence, which she ended up running through.  She once again jumped out and then back in.  Needless to say if she doesn't want to stay here then so be it.  To Powell she went, back to the rescue.

I learned two things this weekend.  Trust my gut, when I doubt something there is a reason why; listen to my very intuitive three year old, Kassi had actually picked a different dog from the rescue which Wes and I were not real comfortable with as he was new to his foster home and not much was known about him.  I met this dog when I took Daisy back and he is a real sweet dog with lots of manners.  We however are done looking for another dog at this time.  It was decided that we will wait a few months, if they still have the dog Kassi really wants we will look into spending some time with him.  If they don't have him we will accept it was not meant to be and then maybe I will give in and let her get a puppy.

July Already...

 Wow, I cannot believe it is already the middle of July.  This summer is going by way too fast.

Kassi has stayed very busy with all her activities.  Last month she took tennis and swimming lessons, now this month she has soccer and super snacks.  She is enrolled in preschool for the fall and is she ever excited.  I think she could be a bit of a handful for her teacher.  She loves being the center of attention and also rather enjoys correcting other people.  It could be interesting.  I am confident though that she will do awesome.  When it comes to her knowledge it is incredible.  She reads several words, counts by ones, tens, forwards and backwards, continues to work on her addition and subtraction and gets better everyday at writing.  Her garden was doing really well until we had hail the size of quarters!  I think her potato's are still doing well and her tomato's seem to be recovering.  The spinach and onions...well we have pretty much given up on them.

Wes has passed two more of his ASE tests.  He continues to work on getting his Masters in both car/light truck and heavy truck.  So far the summer has not been a very busy fire summer, which is nice for us.  He cannot wait until bird season is here.  He and Nina really enjoy going out.  She is an amazing hunter and has so much drive.  On the subject of Nina it seems we have a high maintenance dog.  We recently had her at the vet because she got violently ill in the middle of the night.  She has never gained much weight and does not eat much so when she got sick we really wanted to have her checked out.  Apparently she has diverticulosis.  There are some days she just will not eat anything at all.  With this she has a sensitive stomach and is now on a special wet food for sensitive stomachs and is on a dry food for very active dogs.  She also takes a generic prevacid on the days when she seems worst.  Poor dog.  She is a really great dog just a little too hyper and playful for Kassi still.

I have been so busy at work that I don't even realize the day is over most of the time.  I am very ready for a vacation.  Somewhere that I have no phone or computer access and can just relax and hide for a few days.  The time will come though.  We are going to take some time off and head to the hills in a few weeks.

After our recent incident with a shelter dog I had decided I wasn't ready to bring home another dog.  I think it was more that I was nervous we would go through the same thing.  I mean not only do we have Kassi's safety to think about we have all of her friends and the neighbor kids safety to think about.  It has been a little while now and I have done a lot of looking and reading and have found a rescue to work with, HeRD of WY.  They take in dogs to foster homes and evaluate them and have a good feel for what types of homes they would do best in.  I am really pleased with them so far.  They have picked two dogs that they currently have that they feel would fit well with our family.  Both of which are excellent with children.  We are scheduled to go and meet these dogs this weekend.  Kassi thinks we should meet more than two, but it depends on rather we meet in Billings or Sheridan.  They are based out of Sheridan so if we go there we could likely see more of the dogs.  The kind of creepy part for me is that one of the dogs name is Cassie and the other one is Daisy.  I have to admit it bothers me a bit to think about having another Daisy.  The really weird part is Kassi has said since we lost Daisey that we would have another Daisy dog.  I think this has been kind of hard on her too though as the other day she started crying asking why she couldn't have her Daisey dog back and what did we do with her body and can she see where we buried her ashes.  This of course made me cry right along with her.  I don't remember having so much sadness over the loss of a pet.  Hopefully working with this rescue we are able to find the right addition for our family.

Cassie

Daisy II