Parent Teacher Conference

Wes and I went to Kassi's first parent teacher conference this week.  I have always been a very proud momma and this just made me even prouder.  Kassi's teacher showed us the picture of our family she had drawn.  It had the three of us and our two dogs.  The people even had all their fingers and toes.  She showed us Kassi's assessment's and said she is way ahead and more than ready for the kindergarten prep class next year.  She said that Kassi was by far the top of the class.  Kassi is very outgoing and is a leader.  We asked if these characteristics ever caused any trouble during class and were told that no actually they helped.  She said Kassi is the class leader.  Apparently she gets everyone lined out and tells them this what the teacher wants and it helps to get the others in the class to participate.  Overall she said Kassi is a real joy to have in her class.  As a parent of course you think these things about your child, that is your job.  To have them reaffirmed by the teacher, well that is just awesome.

The beginning of the tonsil story...

The first week in December I took Kassi to the doctor for a fever that was staying around 103 and would not go away, no matter what I tried.  I asked everyone I knew for advice on how to get her temperature down and nothing worked.  On day three I took her to the doctor.  The doctor's response..."I don't see anything wrong with her, unless her symptoms change she is fine."  So I take her home, mad that she didn't really seem to care that my baby was running a high fever that would not go away.  To me that says something is wrong.

A week or so later Kassi says she has a sore throat.  It was on a day after she had spent the night at my parents house and she tends to have some drainage after being there.  I think it is from their wood stove.  We run a large area air purifier in our house so she the air is really clean.  Anyway the next morning my step mom calls and says Kassi says her throat still hurts, but she has no fever.  I let her go ahead and go to preschool.  I pick her up from preschool and look in her throat and take her straight to the doctor.  Again we get the doctor that told us to go home when she had her fever.  She tests her for strep which comes back positive.  We go pick up the prescription for Amoxicillin and head home. 

After eight days of this there is no change in Kassi's throat.  Her tonsils are still covered in white and are so swollen they touch in the back of her throat.  Still no fever or any other symptoms.  I call the doctors office and talk to the nurse.  The nurse tells me that it is common for them to remain swollen after being infected.  I argue that something is wrong.  She talks to the doctor and the doctor prescribes antibiotic number two, Omnicef.  We start on this.

After four days there is no change.  Actually at this point I think they look worse. 
I decide it is time to make sure we get in to Kassi's normal doctor instead of his partner.  So off we go.  He looks in her throat, backs away and shakes his head.  He reads her chart and asks questions about everything that happened since the fever we were told was nothing.  After some discussion he checks her spleen and a few other things.  He says yes she had tested positive for strep, but he thinks there is an underlying condition naming either mono or staph.  He says that it is really rare for mono to be in children Kassi's age and after checking a few other things he does not believe that is what it is.  He starts her on antibiotic number three, Clindamiacin, and a small burst of Prednisone to get the inflammation down enough that the antibiotic can get into the tonsils and work.  He did not test her for staph so we do not know if that is really what is causing all of this.  He says her tonsils have to come out or this will continue to happen every time she catches any viral or bacterial infection.  The big concern at this time is to make sure they do not get any bigger and keep her from eating or breathing.  He says to call back on Tuesday and if there is any change over Christmas to take her to the ER and page him.  He also says that the worst case scenario would be for the ENT to be three weeks out and Kassi be out where she can get infected again.  (Hence the going nowhere rule in effect.)

Tuesday gets here and the tonsils really don't look a lot different than they had.  He says to continue on with the antibiotic for five more days.  (This really scares me, because this is antibiotic is very hard on the system.)  I ask about the ENT referral.  The nurse says it is common for them to be two to three weeks out for the consult and with the holidays...  I remind her that the doctor said she needed to get in as soon as possible.  Later in the day I get a call back.  Kassi has her consult with the ENT on January 4th.  I guess this is acceptable with the holidays as I am sure they are closed for several days.

How do her tonsils look now with only one day of antibiotic number three left?  Well...one looks better some of the inflammation has gone down and most of the white is gone.  The other one not so much.  Most of the white is gone, but now, to me, it appears to be abscessed.  She is eating well, and says she is breathing okay.  I have caught her choking on her saliva when she is asleep, but she wakes up, gets re situated, swallows it down and goes back to sleep.  She is also terrified of having her tonsils out.  I try to reassure her and be strong.  (Truth be told, Mommy is terrified right now too and just really wants to know what the ENT is going to say.)

Now we wait.  Wednesday seems like such a long time away and I want to scream at the ENT scheduling office "Get her in sooner!", but I know that will not help.  I am not sure what to expect when we go.  Kassi's pediatrician said they cannot take them out when they are this swollen, but the worst thing would be to have to wait for the surgery.  What will they do then with the one that will not go down?  How long out will her surgery be?  Do I dare let her go back to school before then?  There are just so many things I do not know right now.

Christmas

Starting off Kassi was pretty upset with me about Christmas.  You see she has been fighting some kind of infection for several weeks and our third visit to the doctor was on the Friday before Christmas.  It was at that time when the doctor said her tonsils were going to need to come out, but before we could do that we had to get the inflammation and infection out of them.  Sounds easy except she had already been on two rounds of antibiotics.  So we started on antibiotic number three and Kassi was banned from leaving the house and we asked that anyone that was or thought they might be sick stay away.

This really saddened Kassi as it meant she was not going to get to see her cousin, she was not going to get to see all of her uncles and she was not going to get to see her aunt.

Even though I rained on her parade I think she still had a good Christmas.  We spent Christmas Eve with Wes' dad and step mom like we do every year.  Kassi made sure Grandma Becky read her some of her new stories.  Then on Christmas morning my parents came in and enjoyed watching Kassi opening some of her gifts.  After everything was open we hung out and played with all the new goodies.  Just the three of us.  It was really enjoyable.  Later that evening Wes' brother and mom came by and we opened some more gifts. 

In years past Kassi has been very overwhelmed with gifts.  So much so that some times she was not even getting everything open.  She would open a few and just want to play with them.  This year we decided to have a talk with Santa and limited him to the five main things Kassi wanted and a couple of little things.  We also scaled back.  Instead of several smaller things we decided to buy a Wii and some games to go with it.  When we did this we weren't sure if Kassi was really going to like it yet or not being so young.  She opened it and asked "Does this mean I get to play video games?"  I answered yes and she responded with "You are the best Mommy and Daddy ever."  She really enjoys playing the hunting games.  I think her other favorite Christmas present was actually one of mine.  Wes bought me a Kindle Fire (which is soooooo awesome) and the kid spends more time on it than I do. 

Dogs

I am sitting here with two very wet and stinky dogs!

It has been over a year since we made the extremely hard decision to put our Daisey dog to rest.  Even with as long as it has been I still have a hard time with this.  I miss my pup she was along side me through so much.  I always tell Wes and Kassi that these two mutts we have now are theirs and I don't have a dog anymore because I don't want one.  Truth be told I just don't want to get attached to them, but I think I have.  Even with all their little quirks.

Nina (aka Bug and Bugaboo) 20 months old

This is a dog that lives to hunt.  She does not have an off switch when we go out.  All she wants to do is find birds.  Most days Wes takes her hunting he has to drag her back to the truck.  She eats very little and runs constantly, unless she is in the house.  We found out this summer that she has some stomach issues and has to be on a special diet and take belly pills.  It scares me how thin she is.  It does not matter that we feed her wet food she still does not gain weight.  Once she comes in the house she calms down and lays right down.  She loves to cuddle up close and be held.  She really does think she is a lap dog.  As she gets older she gets more protective of Kassi and I.  So much so that she has to be kept in her kennel at night in case Wes comes in late from a fire call or his shift.  I do really think she would eat someone.  She loves people, but if she thinks they are intruding on us especially when she is close she gets very angry.  Nina has always been a digger and chewer and it does not matter what you do.  She has outgrown some of her chewing as long as she is alone.  When her and Minnie are together they tend to terrorize each other and tend to tear things up, more by one trying to take it away from the other.

Minnie Mouse (aka Monster and Squeakers) 6 months old

When we went to get Minnie she was the calmest, sweetest puppy in the litter.  She picked Kassi and there was no turning back.  Minnie gets car sick and it does not matter how far you go you can generally guarantee she is going to get sick (so she must always ride in her kennel).  She is a ball of fire and a little thick headed.  She gets so excited when she sees you that she squeaks like a mouse.  Once she calms down though she is very sweet and always has to see where Kassi is.  She gets very upset if Kassi is not here and loves to snuggle with Kassi in the mornings.  She is only six months old and weighs as much as Nina does.  She does not have the hunting drive that Nina does, but she tries.  She does stay a lot closer to us than Nina does which is a good thing because she just does not have the stamina to keep up with Nina.

So that's our girls.  They are honory, hyper and can drive me nuts, but they can also be the calmest, sweetest girls.

Almost 2012

I am not sure where 2011 has gone.  How is it possible that our little family can be so busy that the year goes by so fast?

A quick recap of 2011...
-Kassi had her first dance recital.
-We tried to find a new dog at a shelter or rescue and found out you really cannot trust what people tell you. 
-We found out Nina has stomach problems and we have to keep her on a chicken and salmon diet, fortunately the dog food we feed is mostly meat and she does okay with it, but very few treats for the skinny puppy. 
-We brought home Minnie Mouse.  While they say she is a Brittany Spaniel I am pretty sure she is a Monster.
-Kassi started preschool!
-Kassi started her second year of dance, this time doing tap and ballet.
-My asthma kept me down for a long time and I had some other things going on that had me kind of scared.
-Wes was offered, and accepted, a new job at Yellowstone Regional Airport.
-Kassi was the first in her preschool class to meet all of her assessments!  (I'm such a proud mama.)
-Kassi has strep throat and is on her second antibiotic with tonsils that almost touch.  We will see what happens next on Friday.

...and what's to come in 2012.  Well I am not sure what the new year will bring for us. 

New Bed

Some time ago we took Kassi bed shopping.  She had been sleeping on a twin mattress on the floor since she was 18 months old.  For her it was secure and she loved that her bed was so close to the floor.  In order to get her off the floor and into a real bed we had taken her bed shopping.  She had picked out a bunk style bed where the two pieces were separate instead of attached.  The top part as huge and very expensive so we said we would get the bottom part and then when she could prove to us that she would sleep by herself all night that we would go back and get her top bed. 

(Back story; I was a very paranoid, protective mommy some of it had to do with the fear that Kassi and I would not bond, which was crazy because I am positive we bonded the first second I held her.  Anyway back on track...she never learned how to sleep by herself.  As a baby when she would nap me, Wes, Grandma or one of her many other admirers would be holding her, same thing at night we would hold her till she fell asleep and then we would put her in her cradle.  She was rarely in her crib and before we knew it she was too big for the crib and was sleeping on a twin mattress on the floor, by advice of the doctor.  I would lay with her till she fell asleep, many nights falling asleep myself.  If I left her bed she would wake up and say she had a bad dream and needed me.  She never once got out of her bed, just called out for me.)

So working up to her 4th birthday we set the ground rule that she had to start sleeping by herself and if she really wanted the top bed so she could have sleepovers she would have to start.  The same with most anything she has done once she decided she was ready that was it and she started sleeping by herself. 

This of course meant we had to get to Billing and get her top bed.  We had a slight fear that the big new bed would not fit in her room so we kind of procrastinated.  Which turned out being the best thing we could do.  A friend mentioned they had a bed they were getting rid of that was like new.  We showed Kassi the bed and she changed her mind and decided this would be her new bed.  Fortunately this one fits in her room a little better than the other one would have.

She even sleeps in the top bed now.  Scares me a little still, but she does really well.  I think the only reason she sleeps up there is because she gets to slide out of bed in the morning.

The slide comes right out her door.

Photo Card

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Halloween

I never realized how busy families with little kids can be around Halloween! Wow...  We carved pumpkins at the Fire Hall and then  Friday was costume day at preschool and boy was Kassi excited to dress up and trick or treat the staff.  Then Friday night was the Halloween carnival which she of course wanted to go to.  A big kudos to the Rec. Center staff.  Even though there were a zillion rude kids there Kassi had a lot fun.

On Monday night Wes had to work so Grandma, Kassi and I headed out to go trick or treating.  We were going to go to a Halloween party at the museum, but we all have colds so I decided to make the night as short as possible.  Kassi got way more candy than any kid should ever have and had a lot of fun telling people she was a scary vampire.

It was kind of funny though her costume changed slightly each time she wore it...

Pumpkins...Kitty, Boo from Monsters Inc., Grim Reaper and Blaze from Tinkerbell.

Preschool Halloween Party

Headed to the Carnival.

Ready to go trick or treating!

Always has to strike a pose!

Portraits

I thought I'd do something different this year for our family portraits.  We usually have them done in the winter inside and pay to have them done.  I thought I'd try to save us a little money and do them myself.  I don't think some of them turned out too bad, but I did take over 150 pictures to get the few I liked.  (So thankful for digital cameras and the delete option!)  I usually let Kassi pick her outfit for pictures and wasn't sure when she said she wanted to wear her Halloween dress, but it turned out kind of cute in the fall scenery.

I want to edit some of these a little more, but time seems to get away from me so we will see if I get them done or not.

We had a lot of fun doing these outside.  The weather was perfect and we really enjoyed getting out.  We had the dogs along with us too, but didn't get them in too many of the pictures.  I think if I had a clicker on my camera and wasn't running from the camera to get in the picture I might be able to get more pictures with them.

Changes

There are so many things to write about...I don't even know where to start.

Kassi is going to be four.  How is that possible?  My baby is growing up so fast.  This year she has decided to not have a big, or multiple, parties.  Instead we are going to take a trip to Billings and spend some time at an indoor water park.  Of course she has asked to have some friends over for cake and ice cream and of course we agreed.

She absolutely loves preschool.  Each day she tells me "there is just too much to tell" when I ask about what they did, but I usually get filled in throughout the week.  She is really good about telling me when her or the rest of the class did not behave quite as they should.  I think one of her favorite things about the class is that she gets to learn new songs and games.

Amidst several doctor appointments I think we have found what might be causing my asthma attacks.  At the shop where I work they are taking down some old, moldy foam insulation.  I have to wear masks to work, but hey at least my breathing is starting to improve.  There for a few days I wasn't sure it was ever going to.  I had people telling me I looked like "death warmed over".  That is always so nice to hear...  I have an appointment on Monday which will likely result in some lung function tests, but hopefully I can be off of the prednisone.  Since things had not gotten any better and we did have an idea of what may be going on I did start another prescription for the time being, which for whatever reason makes it incredibly hard for me to concentrate.  At least things are starting to look up and we think we have the cause pinpointed.  Once the project is done at the shop we will do a thorough cleaning of my office and hopefully I will not need to make all of the changes to my prescription line up. 

And the biggest change of all...Wes is going to work as a paid Aviation Rescue Fire Fighter, and airport maintenance personnel.  He was offered a position at the airport with a little better pay and the same benefits as he has now.  It is going to be a big adjustment not having him right there with me all day long, but he is very excited.  He will be working some shifts, but will have days where he can be home with Kassi and one of his shifts is the same as mine so there will be some days where we still get home at the same time.  Tomorrow he heads to Casper to do a live burn scenario at the Casper airport.  Then he will finish his two weeks at the City and start at the airport on the 6th.  I am very proud of him and glad he is going to do something he loves.  He will also be doing a lot of maintenance things around the airport and I think he is really going to enjoy the variety, and not having to work inside stinky garbage trucks!

Then What

I don't like using my blog for posts about me.  I feel life for me is all about my family.  However I am going to vent a little about one of my health issues.  Please feel free to completely ignore this post!  I am having a bit of a pity party today even though I know people with much worse issues every once in awhile I just get a little down.

For several years my asthma has been fairly well controlled. I still have flair ups and an occasional attack, but nothing that lingers on like it used to when I was younger.  Suddenly this year I cannot seem to get it under control.  It has gotten so bad that they have put me back on my lovely steroids which I have been able to avoid for a long time.  I have missed several days of work and still nothing is working.  I must note too that I am not the most pleasant person to be around when I am on this medication.  Some people do okay with it, I do not.  I can't eat, I can't sleep, I get extremely emotional, I get frustrated to tears over the simpleest things.  Thank god I have been blessed with a wonderful family...patient parents, husband and daughter.

Now though I am confused.  My whole life they have told me my asthma was severe.  Now the doctor tells me he thinks my asthma has advanced to another stage.  I'm curious what comes after severe? 

Another week on steroids, avoiding all the triggers I can, doing absolutely nothing and see where we are then.  Then the next week lung function tests a change of daily meds and then in a couple of more weeks more lung function tests.  The crazy thing is this new medication will be the last new option.  I have taken everything else there is so I wonder then what.  What happens if this new medication does not work?  I am 31 I have a soon to be 4 year old who I hate having to tell "I'm sorry honey mommy can't go for a walk, or mommy can't go to the park, or mommy can't walk downstairs to play."  I also do not like the fact that at this age between my two diseases I am taking four daily medications which if I was not taking we could put away enough money for Kassi to go to any college she ever desired!

If at 31 I have gone from severe to whatever is after severe then what comes next?

PreSchool

How is it possible that my baby girl is in preschool.  Where did last four years go?

Kassi's first day of preschool was on Tuesday.  She is going two days a week for two hours at a time.  We chose this schedule as we thought it would be best for her given that she has not spent much time without mom, dad, grandma or grandpa.  After watching her this first day I think she would be fine going all day.  She absolutely loved preschool.  She warned me early the first day that she was going to run from me right into her classroom and that she did.  She ran right in and started introducing herself to the other kids who were there.

After class I asked Miss Lori how she did.  She said she did great and then laughed and told me that Kassi told her she was ridiculous.  This is one of Kassi's new word.  Things are commonly ridiculous.  Such as finishing supper, having to wait for something or if someone is being silly they are ridiculous.  Fortunately the teacher was okay with it and thought it was rather humorous.

I asked Kassi all about her time at preschool and all she could tell me was there was just too much to talk about.  I asked if she would tell me a little and she said she could, but there was just so much that she just didn't know where to start.  She remembered a couple of the kids' names and remembered a song that they sung about cleaning up.

All in all I think preschool is a success.  She really enjoys the time with the other kids and loves to learn new things.  I hope she keeps this enthusiasm all throughout her school years.

Labor Day Weekend on the Big Horns

Last week we headed up on the Big Horns like we normally do for Labor Day weekend.  As usual Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning were rather quiet and there were few people up there.  Come Saturday of course there were tons of people, but it was still nice to be away from the house and town.  We also enjoyed some wonderful weather.  The nights and mornings were cold and the days were just perfect at around 55 degrees.

Wes got in a little bit of archery hunting for deer.  He had a couple of nice bucks picked out just never got in to where he could get a good shot.  He did get within 20' of some smaller bucks, but nothing worth wasting the tag on.

Kassi caught a couple of fish and got mad at Wes when he put them back.  She thought they looked really yummy and wanted Mommy to cook them for her.  She was also rather bummed that Daddy didn't shoot a couple of the deer we saw as she also thought they looked really yummy and would make a good supper.

The trip started out well and I enjoyed staying next to the creek and watching all the wildlife.  By the end of the five days though we had decided this was the last trip for this year.  This one got a little too expensive!

My asthma had been doing pretty good up there as the smoke was kind of subdued.  Then the smoke came in and I spent one whole night wondering if I should go see what all they had on the Bear Lodge Ambulance as there was no air flow in my lungs.  I made it through that night, but that then changes the way we camp.  This means no long hikes, no camp fires, watching for all triggers and making sure they are all avoided.  Then to add insult to injury we get home and the smoke from all the fires around here is so heavy I hurt and cannot go outside.  I'm sure this will all lead to a nice doctor's visit before too long.

On Saturday the battery on the pickup died.  I guess the cold was its final straw!  Add one new pickup battery to the tab...Next in the line of incidents...Minnie managed to get herself caught up in some barbwire.  I was able to take care of the wound up there and we only ended up coming home a little early.  When we got back in cell phone range I called the vet and was able to get a little advice  and avoid the call out fee, however she will have to go in today and have some work done on the wound.  Poor pup will likely have a huge scar on her front paw.  Fortunately it doesn't seem to bother her too much as long as she doesn't bump it.

So following the incidents of this camping trip we came  home and started unloading the camper for the winter!  No more camping this year.  One expensive trip a year is enough for us. 

Watching movies together first thing in the morning.  They both really like Beauty and the Beast.

Kassi controlling the camera.

Kassi controlling the camera again.

Too dark to really see, but this cow and calf moose spent their mornings and evenings right outside our camper door.

Kassi showing Daddy how big of a deer he should shoot.

Why do people have to be so hurtful?

It is not like me to be very open about my thoughts, about my feelings.  However this last week I have been following a story about our adoption agency and I cannot get over how cruel people are.  So I am opening up to the few of you who check in on us here. 

I am aggravated, I am hurt, I am astonished by the things people are saying.  What hurts the most is to think that if my daughter were older she could be reading these things and hearing these things too.  I have always known people could be very hurtful, but lately I am just so astonished at the things I am reading.  While they may not be directed at me or my family they are implying that their statements are true for all families built by adoption.

On Friday night dateline aired a story about a Virginia father who says he wanted his daughter even when his ex girlfriend did not.  I can say by having been through the entire adoption process that some of the things he states in his interview are completely false.  Utah law proved he did not file in the time frame allowed and the baby's parents were given permission to continue with the adoption.  He is now trying to sue the agency, which happens to be our agency, the parents and the parent's attorney for $10 million.  There are several things that Dateline did not mention and several things that people who have not been through this will never understand.  Each day now I read horrible things that people are posting on our agency's website and it makes me so sad.

While I agree that the 20 days putative fathers are given in Utah seems very short, especially compared to the six months that Wyoming gives.  I do not agree with several of the accusations people are making about the agency.  A Act of Love helped Wes and I to build our family.  They helped Kassi's birth mother.   They made sure both of us had legal counsel and understood the laws of adoption.  I can only say great things about this agency.

This week I have read comments from people saying that adopting is not natural and God did not mean for children to be adopted, comments about how people who used this agency "bought" themselves a baby, comments about how those who adopt a child without knowing the birth father has been contacted and agreed to the adoption are kidnapping, comments of how an adoptive parent is not a parent.  All of these things I have read make me cry. 

MY baby girl will always be MY baby girl.  She is showered with love and affection everyday and will always know how much she is loved.  She will always know she is MY baby girl.  I AM HER MOM.  We did not kidnap her, we did not buy her, we did not go against God...God brought us together.   We paid fees yes, we paid for counseling for Kassi's birth mother, we paid for all of her doctors appointments, we paid for her expenses when she was pregnant and I assure you had we chosen a surrogate we would have paid the exact same things.  We also paid to have the counselors by her side for the first few nights after Kassi was born.  We paid all of the necessary legal fees and yes it can be expensive, but then I ask how much did some pay for their pregnancies and deliveries? 

I have the utmost respect and appreciation for Kassi's birth mother.  She will always hold a special place in my heart.  Not only did she give me the greatest gift ever she gave Kassi the gift of life.  Kassi knows about her birth mother and her questions are always answered truthfully.  I will still say though that I am Kassi's Mom.  I know what it is like to have a mother and not a mom.  Being biologically related to someone in no way makes a person a mom or dad, a mother or father, yes, but not a mom or dad.

I fear that the day will come when Kassi will be subject to people's cruelty.  I pray that she always knows and remembers how much she is loved.  I know I cannot protect her from people forever, but I hope that I can at least help her to have the confidence to not be bothered by people's hurtful comments.      

There's no turning back now!

I finally gave in to the pleading by other members of the family to just get a puppy instead of an adult dog.  With this decision we showed Kassi a few puppies that were for sale right now and  let her have her pick.  She said she really wanted her own bird dog so she could hunt with daddy.  It just happened that one of the litters we knew about were Brittany's. 

 

We took Kassi up this morning to see if she really wanted one of these puppies and she instantly fell in love with one of them.  Being her first day home I think it is a little too early to judge her true personality, however she is very sweet and kind of lazy.  I have to laugh at her...Nina was a ball of fire from the very first night and Minnie is very laid back.  Two complete opposites, but Nina absolutely loves having a new play toy!

Here is the sweet little Minnie Mouse (of course Kassi got to name her).